Monday, August 11, 2008

Naked Baby = Doggie Bath

WARNING: The following story may offend sensitive readers. You may want to skip reading this post if nudity or poop is disconcerting to your senses.

We all do it; it’s a natural bodily function. However, there is a time and place for everything. I respect one’s privacy to be alone at “certain times”. A little modesty goes a long way with me and sharing everything is not something Doughboy and I do. With seven bathrooms, my only request is that he choose a location that isn’t in my general vicinity. Children, however, are immune to tact and sensibility. Heck…Doughboy isn’t always the King of Tact either. But that’s a subject for another time.

Enter a naked child. Why is he naked you ask? According to his mother, Jameson wasn’t an immediate threat since he had filled his diaper a short time earlier. Jameson usually wears a Little Swimmer in the pool just in case he feels the “urge”. His wise mother allowed her child – our 2-year-old grandson – to swim and play without the encumbrance of clothing or diaper. Cute, huh?



Enter a clean white dog. I had taken all three canine children to Puppy Tubs the day before for their 6-week grooming appointment. They enjoyed a day at the spa and returned home bathed, clipped, and sweet smelling. Kady, our precocious West Highlight White Terrier (emphasis on WHITE) was beautifully clean – a contrast to her usual beige color.



Enter Doughboy. According to Doughboy, Kady "asked" to join the family for a swim in the pool. How a dog can ask for anything is beyond my comprehension. Kady may look longingly at her food bowl, beg for a treat, or bark if her water bowl is empty, but asking to swim is not something Kady has ever done. However, Doughboy fancies himself as a dog whisperer and often recreates conversations between he and Kady. So who am I to argue? Besides, it was hot and I didn’t have the energy.

The boys were inside with Jamie taking a mid-afternoon nap. My SIL was sitting in a chair reading and Doughboy was floating in the pool with Kady perched on his tummy. Ahhhhh…it was a perfect time for me to get in the pool and cool off with a swim. Seeing me wade into the pool, Kady swam to me so I could give a snuggle and help her get out. Floating around with Doughboy, I first heard Kady snorting in doggie ecstacy, then noticed her rubbing her back with all four paws kicking wildly in the air. Hmmmm…she must be scratching her newly shaved back on the hot concrete. This happens to be one of Kady’s favorite pastimes.

Then it hit me! A horrible, offensive odor that smelled like…poop! Where was it coming from? Kady whizzed by me like dogs are wont to do for no reason. Her back and head were covered in something that looked like…poop! Eewww! Apparently our grandson – the naked one – had hidden behind the outdoor furniture to launch his assult. Right in front of the fireplace was a pile of poop that, to Kady, was a cacophony of canine perfume. Why do dogs inisist on rolling in all things dead and disgusting!?

How did I know it was Jameson that did the deed? Here’s your warning to STOP READING. To put it as delicately as possible, we had roasted corn the night before… and my dogs don’t eat corn.

Lesson #2385: Do not EVER let your grandchildren run unencumbered around the pool – not matter what their mother says to the contrary!



P.S. I've been asked...what happened to Kady? Did Jamie help with clean up? Why didn't Doughboy volunteer his help in the clean up?

I ushered Kady to the upper deck so I could get her in the laundry room for a bath. Not wanting to pickup Kady with my bare hands (yuck!) I grabbed the closest article at hand which happened to be Doughboy's swim towel. Yes, Jamie did offer to help. But I figured she wouldn't be much use on account of her being doubled over with laughter. Doughboy remained in the pool while he barked orders at me to clean up the mess MY grandson had made (note Doughboy's rebuttal in the comment section of this post).

Returning to the pool area after Kady's bath, I lovingly placed a towel close at hand for Doughboy to use. In my sweetest wifely voice, I reminded him to towel dry his hair really well. He had a flight to catch in a short time and I didn't want his hair to look messy. Hmmmmmm...now where did I place the towel I had used for Kady????? Oh well...I'm sure it will show up somewhere :) Oh, Honey...you missed a spot ;)

12 comments:

Half Dozen said...

I LOVE it! What a good laugh I just had. So, what happened to Kady?

Deb said...

Boys will be boys! I'm laughing so hard, I cannot breath! This is a funny, funny story. I'm sure you can laugh NOW about it! Oh my....thanks for the warning. LOL

dsr524 said...

Sooo, I have a couple of questions:

Did Jamie get to finish her mid-afternoon nap? (If the answer to this questions is yes, then I do so want you to adopt me.)

Did Kady ask Pete (in her own special way) if she could "sun" on his tummy again after she had gotten her hot concrete rub?

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

Two days after the story took place, I can chuckle a little. No, Doughboy did NOT remove himself from the pool to bathe Kady. My SIL went upstairs to tell Jamie what had happened, and she DID offer to bathe Kady, but I had already begun the unpleasant task and therefore completed bathing her myself. Doughboy remained in the pool while I hosed off the concrete and cleaned up the remains of Jameson's deed. What a guy...

Doughboy said...

The DOUGHBOY REBUTTAL:
There's a time honored and battle tested "Man-Code" that essentially says "whoever created the problem or allowed the problem to occur has responsibility for the problem." The problem was not necessary the dog, nor the excrement, nor the monkey demon child.....the problem was the Mother of the child. Doris created the problem over 30 years ago and all the warning signs were pointing to this moment last Sunday. Yet NOTHING was done. It is simply a judgement lapse and under "Man-Code" rules, the Doughboy is allowed to remain floating.
Simple stuff really.
Of course, I would have also used duck tape vs a 'little swimmer' (also part of the "Man Code")but that's an option that apparently was not in play.

Jamie Payne said...

OMG! I'm still laughing about this! Yes, my darling husband took it upon himself to come into the house to tell me what "MY" son had done instead of simply offering help to the Mimi. I immediately ran downstairs to see if I could lend any assistance, but the concrete had already been sprayed down and Kady was mid-bath. I'll admit that I was laughing for a good 30 minutes over this one, but still felt guilty for my part in it all. I informed Jameson later (after his nap) that poo poo was supposed to go in either his diaper or in the toilet. He blew me off and got back in the pool.

Pamela G. (aka-Mimi, Pixie Dust Diva, Little Skinny Butt said...

Hilarious story - You all could have your own reality series!!!

Roxanne Schwandt said...

HAHAHAHAHA I'm rolling in laughter of just imgaining the sequence of events. I especially love the innocence of it all, until "THE" moment of realization. Note to self: don't let little boys run around in birthday suits while the dogs are at play....

Judyann said...

Wow, funny how everyone was laughing except Debra. What a story. Boys and their antics. And what is it about dogs and rolling around in stuff? Dixie does that all the time. Drives me crazy.

Dungboy said...

............and here I thought the flight attendent was just being nice to me when she let me have my very own roow flying back to Pittsburgh Sunday night.

....and I think that towel was the one I used on your car seat so my wet suit wouldn't get the drivers seat wet when I moved your car. Were your meetings necessarily short on Monday? Did people leave mid meeting? Could be the same towel.

Chere said...

Pam is right! I am contacting NBC,ABC and any TV network that I can think of. You guys have something for everyone. There is the some what grown up SR. adults, the Jr. adults, little kids, dogs and baby on the way. Doughboy is a true classic. Can you imagine the flash back to him as a little boy talking his way out of everything and stating his cause. Maybe any time his actions are in question he will go to flash back "cute little boy". An award is in his future. This was the best blog so far. The perfect family Sunday, God bless you all.

Janette said...

Oh my goodness this is too funny. :0) I can't wait for grandkids. =)